As if I needed a reason to skip the office holiday party

It's that time again. Working stiffs everywhere are gearing up for their annual corporate holiday party, and I just got my emailed invitation. Oh good, I'm invited. Usually, I'm a fan of a free meal at a swanky place, but this year my office party will be held at a mediocre local restaurant with a buffet. It's not what I consider sufficient compensation for spending my free time with people I wouldn't normally associate with without a paycheck. But what's this? There will be a silent auction of gift baskets at the party. Well, someone grabbed hold of the fun knob and cranked it up. Bidding is strictly voluntary but strongly recommended, as it's for charity, so don't be a Scrooge! Hang on to your Santa hats (or reindeer antlers), this fun knob goes up to ELEVEN. All partygoers must choose a Christmas-themed name for themselves and their guest to use in the silent auction. The names must be submitted and approved by the office administrator prior to the party. Well, deck my halls, this is sounding better and better. I guess we could get a sitter. Holy Sugar Plums! I have something else planned on the same night and time as the office party. What to do?

Option 1: And the winners of the Razorback gift basket are Menorah and Big Baby Jesus. Thanks, Jennifer and Sam, your money will go to some organization that promises to use it to purchase gift cards for foster children. Because of you, at least one set of foster parents can afford to buy a bottle of Jack and some chicken wire to reinforce the cages.

Option 2: Put on your pajamas, Paolo, we're going to the library for a special holiday storytime.

I thought long and hard before making a decision. By that I mean I rolled my eyes s l o w l y before deleting the invitation.

Please chime in with your ideas for "Christmas names" that Sam and I could not go by for the silent auction we won't participate in at the party we're not going to attend. It'll be fun.